PURIM TORAH

It is a long-standing tradition to observe Purim with parody and satire. During the Middle Ages, it was customary in Yeshivot (schools of higher Jewish learning) to choose Purim Rabbi who would satirize a biblical or talmudic passage. This satire was known as Purim Torah.

In this vein, may I offer the following piece of Purim Torah entitled: “Why On This Night Do We Drink Only Crown Royal?’’

It is generally assumed that Vashti (King Ahasuerus’ first wife) refused to appear at the king’s party that is recounted is the first chapter of the Megillah because the King wanted her to show off her beauty by parading before his friends without any clothes. However, a careful reading of the text will show that (a) this was not what he expected and (b) this is not why she refused.

Ahasuerus evidently liked to party. In the third year of hit reign, he threw a lavish affair for all his princes and servants that lasted 180 days. A feast followed this for the residents of Shushan (the capital) that lasted 7 days.

As was the custom in those times, there were separate parties for men and women. (There were probably women at the men’s party, but certainly no men at the women’s party. Egalitarianism was not yet “in.”) Ahasuerus hosted the men; Vashti hosted the women.

Evidently the main feature at these affairs was the drinking “Royal wine was served in abundance,” the text tells us. “And the rule for drinking was no restrictions!” (Esther 1:7-8). On the seventh day when Ahasuerus was good and drunk, he summoned Vashti. The question is why, since in all probability there were plenty of pretty, unclad women at the men’s feast.

My contention is that after 7 days of hard drinking, the supply of liquor was running low at the men’s party. So, as any husband would do, Ahasuerus summoned his wife to bring some more liquor. The text is very specific on this point. It recounts that Ahasuerus commanded his 7 attending eunuchs “to bring Vashti, the queen, before the king — b’cheter malchut — with the Crown Royal.” (Esther 1:11)

Naturally since Crown Royal is one of the best whiskeys around, Vashti refused. She wanted to save the good stuff herself and her lady friends. Understandably, the king was enraged.

What’s the proof? To this very day Crown Royal comes in a distinctive purple sack, which, l am convinced, is none other than t’cheylet Mordechai (the royal purple robe Mordecai wore after being named Prime Minister in Haman’s place).

Having now properly elucidated the misunderstandings prompted by the incorrect interpretation of the Vashti incident we can proceed to observe Purim correctly by drinking only Crown Royal.

My best wishes to you and yours for a spirited Purim.